I think we should start over- NOT

After viewing these uber-unawesome introductions on PlanetRomeo, I am forced to conclude that evolution has not given me a forehead of sufficient thickness or strength to withstand the impending barrage of forehead-slaps.

Exhibit A:

“Hi me a indian guy in west, like to know and meet you me more to bottom and looking in safe and trust meet.”

I appreciate the fact that we live in a globalised world and not everyone speaks or writes perfect English. Bugger globalisation.

Exhibit B:

“Hi buddy, how are you? hope you had a fabulous weekend. Wishing you a splendid week ahead. I’m **** here and its a pleasure to have your acquaintance.”

Can you get any more presumptuous? We have not even chatted and you are assuming – or hoping – that I will be an absolutely delightful acquaintance. And did you stop to think if I would find YOUR acquaintance a pleasure? Or perhaps my own opinions of you are of no consequence? Your proposition would sound interesting – if this were an odious prelude to a business meeting.    

Exhibit C:

“hi h r u?hp num pls”

Honestly, need I elaborate? I posted up my picture. He posted up nothing, left absolutely no clues as to his stats and if you please, demands my private handphone number. I should have responded immediately with the hotline to the mental hospital. Hmmm…yes I did need to elaborate.

Exhibit D:

“Attracted to mascular, sporty, healthy guys.”

Damn you Urban Dictionary! It’s not cool to foil my attempt at proving the non-existence of the word, “mascular”. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mascular). NOT COOL.

Exhibit E:

“I am smooth. I live the hairy, friendly and fun loving guy”

You mean you somehow possess hairy, friendly, fun loving, not-to-mention unsuspecting guys’ bodies and live their lives for them? Or are you smooth by day and hirsute by night?

Exhibit F:

“Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Don’t be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatch I’ma peace out if you don’t give me the pay off Come on baby let me see what you’re hidin’ underneath”

Urban Dictionary, I dare you to make sense of this.

Exhibit G:

“Im just a good guy trying to to know good guy somewhere out there.”

So just to clarify: YOU are not a bad guy, and you’re trying to know guys who are not bad? Are you an average guy then? Would average guys interest you since they are not bad?

Exhibit H:

“anyone interested to know me more..im ok of giving my digits..”

Hi I’m Dr Lecter, I’d be delighted to make your acquaintance, and yes I would love to have your digits too – all 20 of them. With salt and butter.